Dating as a driven person
Jeraldine Phneah
June 02, 2024
One of the readers suggested that I could write about dating as a driven person.
I thought it would be a great topic to cover.
After all, many of my readers are driven. Otherwise, they will not care about personal growth.
Dating the wrong person can lead to resentment; not seeing the other person as an equal and also make you feel as though your goals are not taken seriously.
Here are some learnings I’ve had.
Reasonable minds often differ, so please feel free to share your views.
High performers have a high level of structure to their lives.
Hence, when dating someone, it is good to be upfront about how you operate.
When you fail to do so, it can cause misunderstandings. In the early stages, this also gives others an opportunity to opt out if it does not work for them.
I always communicate that when I am with someone physically, I will not use my phone at all. I will be 100% present, listening actively and asking questions.
At the same time…
I cannot text to chat throughout the day during work hours. I can reply more on lighter days.
I do not want to talk on phone because I am presenting for the whole day. I prefer to meet in person to talk instead.
I have a low tolerance towards people coming late or changing plans often.
It is also important to block out time for your significant other i.e. align on x number of dates per week. A relationship is a commitment after all.
What i have learned from many of my driven peers is that no matter how busy you are, there is no such thing as no time in this world, just whether something is a priority or not. This works both ways.
2. Date someone with high integrity and also emotional intelligence
Vibes and chemistry are important - but not something I would give the highest weightage to.
If you really care about your goals, you’d avoid partners who with low emotional intelligence and who are unreliable.
Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to manage both your own emotions and understand the emotions of people around you.
If your partner does not take ownership and expect you to regulate their emotions, thing is going to bring a lot of ups and downs in your life. It can set you back significantly from your goals.
Another important trait is reliability.
This is easy to assess: Do they show up on time? do they do what they say they will do? Do they flip flop with their words and intentions?
An unreliable person can create a lot of emotional burden in your life. Charlie Munger says we have to get rid of people who are unreliable in our lives and do it fast.
3.Finding like minded people
Driven people are often lonely. This is because the exposure we get; mindset; lifestyle and life experiences generally can differ from the mass population.
In the wrong room, this can ‘intimidate’ people.
For example, waking up early to exercise, sleeping well, focusing on whole food, attending courses to learn new things and conversations about current affairs and growth… are all seen as intimidating in some groups.
Regular people would ask “How come you live until so stress?” and ask you to “take it easy”.
In the right room, it is seen as normal and in a positive light.
Make sure you put yourself in the right room. This applies to not just dating but also friends.
4. Find people with a healthy self-esteem
If you are driven, chances are you’ve achieved some recognition. When your partner is incredibly insecure, this can create many issues.
They might feel stressed, get possessive, try to one up you constantly, put you down etc.