How to set better boundaries between work and life?

I have not been feeling my best this quarter.

One of the reasons is because I have lost my pet lovebird, Banana.

I am still grieving about it and am starting therapy this week to process this grief.

There are a lot of ups and downs which come with losing my companion who has been with me for several years.

A few days ago, I received a call that he was spotted in Tiong Bahru Park. I asked the sender if he/she was sure and they said yes.

I made a special trip down and combed the area but could not find him.

The next day, I received a message from the same sender, he told me that he was just kidding and did not actually see Banana.

The second reason I was feeling bad this quarter was because I was spending a disproportionate amount of time on work.

This is mostly driven by myself for agreeing on the wrong strategy and also not setting the right boundaries.

I observed myself being unhappy easily and having more negative thoughts.

I found myself thinking one day while walking home from work that I could not afford to be sick or go through any setbacks in my personal life.

This will be a massive hit to my productivity.

I then snapped out of it and realized I was not being the most compassionate to myself. I am not a success machine but a human being.

I realized when I wasn't showing myself enough compassion, it became harder to offer that same compassion to others.

Rushing through life with so much on my plate left me feeling frustrated and with little emotional space to care for those around me the way I’d like to. I was complaining more about people and was not being as empathetic as I wanted to be.

I am making a few changes that I hope will help me create inner balance and show up better. I hope these steps would help you too:

1. Keep number of meetings per day at a max of 5

In my role, I am the person planning for and talking in most meetings I find that 5 meetings per day is my maximum. This includes internal ones as well.

A meeting may take 30 minutes. However, it often requires preparation, follow ups, and internal coordination. This incurs an additional 1 hour.

If I were to do any more than 5 meetings and all are external, this takes 7.5 hours. We have yet to count rest time, lunch time and context switching costs which will increase my time spent to 9 hours?

I become tired and my ability to actively listen, respond thoughtfully, and communicate effectively drops, negatively impact deal outcomes.

I also aim to schedule 30 minutes break between each meeting. This will help me recalibrate and not rush from meeting to meeting.

2. Don’t put pressure on myself to be perfect

I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect at work.

For instance, if my manager gives me a list of 5 areas to work on, I would want to correct all of them and go from poor to great within a short period of time.

I realized that development areas needs to be prioritised. I cannot be great at everything.

Rather I should instead identify the tasks or areas that directly impact key performance indicators and culture, and focus my energy there.

For less critical tasks, I really can allow yourself to be '“average” and free up time and mental space.

3. Set healthy boundaries

I have been rejecting internal meetings more the past month and ask for points to be conveyed via slack if possible.

I am also trying to assert more boundaries to protect my health. For example: I will not skip gym and running for work. This is non-negotiable, unless there is an event or it is absolutely urgent.

I will also aim to switch off at 5-530PM since I am starting much earlier at 7AM and only taking 30 - 45 minute lunch on most days.